RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
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