I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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