I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
