I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
