Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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