you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
