like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
