My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
