i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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