Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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