How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
