So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
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