as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
