I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
