I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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