Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
