So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
