I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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