That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
