If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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