I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
