i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
