It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
