It's like God shit irony all over that family
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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