i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
You made out with two different species that night
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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