??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
True but thats because hes a fetus.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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