Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
