i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
