I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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