dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Randomize
