Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Randomize
