Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
