we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
