Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Randomize
