dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
