Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Randomize
