drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
