Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
