i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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