After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Randomize
