She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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