It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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