just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
