so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Randomize
