Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
