I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
