we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
40s are totally the cure
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
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