Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Randomize
