I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
operation harelip BJ is a go
it was like eating out sand paper
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
