I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
