Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
