get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
