Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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