Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
