so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
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