She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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