Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
