he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
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