I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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