Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
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