Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
