..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
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