Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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