Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
