some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Randomize
