Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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