4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
i dont even know how to be here
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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