I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
