My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
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