it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
