so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
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I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
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I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
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