So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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