Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize