Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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