I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
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