In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
