your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
