Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
