I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
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