Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
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is this the sara with the beer cane?
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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