evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Randomize
