I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
